


Landslide

by Favours (FavoursAndGrace)



Series: The Fate of the Few [1]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alcohol, All the Joels, Alternate Canon, Angry Joel, Angst, Angst and Humor, Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Car Sex, Daddy Issues, Drama & Romance, Enemies to Friends, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Father Figures, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Joel, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lemon, Lucid Dreaming, Multi, Mutual Masturbation, Nipple Play, Obsessive Behavior, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Post-Apocalypse, Post-Pandemic, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Re-imagining, Religious Content, Rough Sex, Sensual Sex, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Inexperience, Sexy Joel, Slow Burn, Survival Horror, Survivor Guilt, Threesome, Time Skips, Vaginal Fingering, Weapons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-21 15:08:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30023652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FavoursAndGrace/pseuds/Favours
Summary: In the early hours of the morning, a young woman lies in her bunk, trapped in the throes of a vicious dream. Sensing the soft contact of teeth to her skin, she bolts awake to find her somewhat elusive best friend smiling at her. Reconciliation, followed by a trip to the local abandoned mall, triggers a chain of events that would change the trajectory of her life forever, and lead her to some very special people.Can she rise above the traumas of her childhood? Can she adapt to the sudden changes in the tides? Can she allow herself to love again? Only time will tell what fate has in store...A re-telling of one of the greatest stories of all time.(And a complete re-write of TLOU Part 2)
Relationships: Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Fate of the Few [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2208594
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. The Golden Hour

**Author's Note:**

> Ordinarily, I would never even consider touching such great writing. However, my creative juices got the better of me!  
> Let it be known, I am by no means a 'writer', in fact, I haven't written anything in over a decade. Go figure! Nevertheless, I have committed myself to recapture an old hobby, since I am in desperate need of a new one.  
> Going forward, the chapters will most likely be half as long as this first one, I wanted to cover the DLC in chapter 1 and treat it like my '2 hour opening special' LOL.
> 
> The plan is to post a new chapter every couple of days, depending on how much is covered in the chapter. I will be taking creative license with some details of the story (obviously) but for the most part, the original chain of events will remain, focusing instead on the parts that give me a little room to breathe. Anna Kelly (my OC) is filling the role of Ellie, and thus the dynamics will be different. You can expect the chapters to alternate between Joel and Anna's perspectives for the most part. 
> 
> Ellie will make her grand entrance in my planned sequel and trust me when I say that girl is fire! 
> 
> So! Please accept this as my very inadequate introduction to the LOOONG FIC that is 'Landslide'. 
> 
> If you've read this far down (Hi), I'm willing to bet you are a big fan of the game. Please know that I will do my best to keep the magic of that story intact, despite the very obvious change in the primary relationship. I chose to start with a re-telling of the first game because I wanted to establish 'Anna' as a legitimate part of this universe, and fully intend on continuing her story beyond the limits of Naughty Dogs prose. It made the most sense to me, therefore, to start at the beginning.  
> That's it from me. Happy reading, and please feel free to post some feedback. We love to hear it! And Stay Safe xx
> 
> Boring stuff below.
> 
> Landslide is a work of fiction based on The Last of Us video game (2013) by the game development studio, Naughty Dog, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Sony Interactive Entertainment. Additional names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

# The Golden Hour

**‘The golden hour is the period of the day shortly after sunrise or before sunset, during which daylight is redder and softer than when the Sun is higher in the sky.’**

_A cacophony of sound hits the girl’s ears with a sudden, deafening blow. She stands facing the all too familiar dock and breathes in the cold, repulsive mixture of salty sea air, soaked in blood and obliterated flesh. Her feet hold fast to the long-neglected concrete, as she reaches out through a curtain of smoke and ash, to the tragic figure slowly descending to the ground in front of her. Something in the individual’s posture strikes a familiarity in her heart. A presence she has felt since the day she first came to be. As the lifeless being collapses into an inanimate heap, a second blow batters the girl’s senses. One of overwhelming loss and agony._

_She is somewhat aware of the state she’s in, becoming more and more lucid with each passing second. And as the looming shadows that surround her begin to draw near, she closes her eyes in a bid to free herself of this place, a dreadful scene she has borne witness to many times before. She knows what’s coming next. And when she opens her eyes again, she is met with two piercing grey-blues, bloodied and barren, glistening in the light of the morning sun._

“Wakey, wakey Kelly….” 

A light, grazing pressure tickles the surface of her neck, and Anna instinctually rises out of her troubled slumber in a state of panic, barging the offending presence straight up into the base of the next bunk. 

“AH! Shit Anna…think you broke my head….” 

Anna having already grabbed her ever-present pocket knife from beneath her pillow, hastily forces herself out of the bed, directing its pointy end towards the somewhat pained grin of her long-absent best friend. Sleep-addled adrenaline begins to pump its way through her tiny body. 

“Wha? Ryan?” she quivers, “Jesus. I thought I’d been…. _What the hell are you doing here?!_ ” 

“ _Ahh_ …” he breathes as he lifts himself up from the threadbare carpet to a sitting position, resting a calloused and worn hand on one bent knee, rubbing the back of his sore head with the other. 

“Now that’s no way to greet ya’ favorite fella in the QZ…speaking of, is that my t-shirt?” 

Emphasizing the slight Bostonian twang in his speech, his toothy grin retires in favor of a small smile, a familiar teasing lilt to his tone. He knows full well she can’t stay mad at him for long, but she’ll maintain her vexation for as long as she can. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” she cries, exasperated, “I was ready to stab you in the eye.” 

He grins again, “Couldn’t resist, Kels. You mumblin’ away, lookin’ all peaceful. I did you a favor! Even if I am seein’ stars right now.” 

Pulling himself to his feet, he considers the flustered girl with thoughtful regard. He glimpses the whites of her knuckles, tensing through lightly tanned skin as she grips her knife with a trembling hand, and takes a careful step forward. 

“You…plannin’ on putting that thing away any time soon?” he gestures to the small blade.

She finds herself incapable of hiding the small upturn at the corners of her mouth, matching her steadily softening gaze. She’s missed him. And that realization has her spinning as she attempts to reign in her affection in favor of her fury. 

She steals herself for a moment as she folds and returns her switchblade to its hiding place. There’s no way she’s letting him off that easily. 

“So you just decide to show up, after god only knows how long,”

“45 days. Well, technically 46,” he offers quickly, eyes shifting to the rain-soaked window.  
“Wanna know what I’ve been up to?” he asks with a slight pleading tone, sensing the precarious nature of this one-sided repartee. 

“For 46 days…I thought you were dead.” she half whispers. 

The inner corners of his brows angle upwards as he goes to pull off the silver chain dangling from his strong neck. She finds herself eyeing the spot where the chain had just vacated, a part of him she had often found herself looking at, and committed to memory somewhere during their decade-long, mercurial relationship. Clearing her throat, she takes the chain in her hand and drags her heavy honey-browns down to the pendant resting in her palm. 

“Huh. Figured as much. Mummy finally got you to join her little club then?” 

Anna wishes she didn’t sound so bitter. She knows it won’t improve her mood. Nor will it help to hide her true feelings for the boy. And yet she lashes out, time and again. One of her many habitual responses to her inner frustrations and reluctance to forgive him. Ryan snorts at that last, then turns towards the bunk he’d collided with moments before.

“Still sleeping alone I see. You really ought to consider putting out an ad. ‘Small, friendly female seeks like-minded, deaf and dumb bunkmate, to fill the silence with... _more silence_.”

He tips his head to the side as he banters her.

“You’re a Firefly.” 

And just like that, his puckish rhetoric is swiftly cut off. Yeah. She’s still pissed.

“Mhmm…” he shrugs lightly before placing his hands on his hips, moving towards the old Polaroid picture taking pride of place on the woefully empty corkboard near the foot of her bed.

“You’ve still got this up…” he sighs wistfully, lightly touching the treasured memory of two friends, arms around each other’s shoulders, smiling widely despite everything. Happy together.

Anna’s already making her way to the door, carefully popping her head out into the corridor before retreating back into the safety of her room.

“What are ya’ doin’?” Ryan asks, dipping back into the tickling tonality of his previous address. “We’re safe dude. I already checked. No soldiers on the entire floor.”

“The last thing I need is to be caught with a Firefly in my room. _Dude_ ,” she clips back.

“Here. Congratulations. You made it,” she drones sarcastically as she holds out the slightly tarnished silver, and quietly gasps when he gently takes a hold of her outstretched hand. 

He clasps the freshly imprinted pendant between them before, “I know you’re pissed at me. And I owe you an explanation.”

“Yes,” she clears her throat, “Yes you do.” 

“Come with me. I wanna show ya’ somethin’. And I’ll tell ya’ what went down once we get there.” 

He moves towards the battered old desk sitting beneath the single window-pane. Spying the small collection of aging sheet music, he smiles to himself, thinking of the equally aging Fender lying under her bed.

“Ryan, it’s almost morning,” she whines, “It’s pouring with rain. _And_ I have Military drills in a few hours. Ya’ know. Where they tell me how to shoot Fireflies?”

He reaches for the black ‘Columbia’ windbreaker, strewn across the back of the desk chair, and lobs it into her arms.

“Get dressed, put that on, and let’s get out of here.” 

It seems he’s made the decision for her. Cursing under her breath, she pulls on a pair of black skinnies over her sleep shorts, throws the jacket on over his Harley t-shirt, and pushes her feet into her trusty slip-on Vans. Piling her chestnut hair into a bun, she rolls her eyes at his smug expression. 

“Come on Kels. When have we ever gotten into trouble?” 

“That a trick question?”

Quick successions of tapping footsteps reverberate off one end of the building to the other, echoing in the expanse of the long-deserted Liberty Gardens Boston Mall. As they ascend to the topper most level of the decrepit shopping center, Anna conjures up an image of countless people, families, idly wandering around the haunted space. Imagines them promenading up and down the various little shops and cafes with carefree smiles. In place of the broken glass and relentlessly invading flora, she pictures shop windows dressed with the very best their proud businesses can offer. Spotlights shine on every feature, and every display, casting a warm and beguiling glow upon all who set foot inside. 

_I can barely remember what any of that felt like…too damn young I guess._

“Hey, grab the other end of this would ya’?” 

Ryan bends down to grab ahold of the metal fixture sitting between what remained of the collapsed roof and the water-logged floor. Every time they visited the out-of-bounds area, there seemed to be a bigger pile of rubble and deadwood blocking their way.

_Yeesh. This looks sturdy. Not._

Lifting the beam up onto a nearby rock with a strained grunt, she glares at the boy to her right.

“Ryan, I _hate_ crawling through here. One of these days we’re gonna get crushed.”

And then, just as she predicted, the unsettled debris crashes perilously towards them. 

“Watch it!” Ryan shouts, dropping the bar and pulling her back into his chest. They stand there for a moment, attempting to catch their breath as the mass of fresh wreckage settles at their feet. Fresh streaks of moonlight illuminate the carnage, met with an inevitable eerie silence.

“Maybe we should find another way….” He suggests between heavy breaths, giving a sideways glance to the girl in his arms.

“Ya’ know…if you can’t perform a simple risk assessment…I reckon you’re gonna fit right in with those new friends of yours.” 

She’s acutely aware of both his hot breath on her cheek and the tensing muscles of his arms, still holding her in his shielding embrace.

“You jinxed us,” he murmurs in her ear.

“Excuse me?”

“Look up there.”

Releasing her, he moves towards the doors of yet another boarded-up store. Anna’s arms wrap around themselves in an attempt to preserve the warmth they’d just shared. A palpable coolness immediately begins to circulate, and she attempts to stifle the shivers shooting down her spine. Closing her eyes, and pushing herself out of any low spirits, she follows the boy towards the shop front. Whilst he assesses the broken window above, she takes in the broadness of his shoulders, the Glock tucked into his pants, the ease and slight bounce in his walk. If he shares in these flustered feelings of hers, he isn’t showing it, quite the opposite in fact.

“Here. Let me get you up and over. See if you can unlock it from the inside.”

“Good shout.”

Placing her left foot into his hands, she allows herself to be propelled upwards and reaches for the ledge, bypassing a string of orange and black bunting on her way. His growing strength never ceases to impress her, and sends her mind careening down into the depths of her secret pining. Nothing feels better than to be held by him, to feel the strength and capability of his person. Landing inside the store, Anna pivots, and to her delight finds an abundance of wickedly whimsical Halloween goods, practically untouched. 

_Oh…Sweet revenge…_

“Well? See anything, Kels?”

Grabbing the most horrific mask in her immediate vicinity, a demon clown no less, Anna unlocks the door before quickly concealing herself behind the burnt-orange doorway curtain. Ryan pushes the door open, and his eyes are immediately drawn to the colossal Zombie statue standing directly ahead. Quietly stepping out from the curtain, Anna leaps forward towards her preoccupied prey.

“Hi Georgie!!” 

“Whoooaaa!!” he yells, teetering backward, “You little shit. Scared the mess out of me.”

Anna claps her hands together as she barks out a laugh. 

“Come. Let’s have a look around, find you a mask. Not that you need one. You’re hideous enough as it is.” She mocks dryly.

“Funny.”

As they make their way around the store, trying on various nightmarish ensembles, they ponder the idea that people were actually afraid of these fantastical things not so long ago. It’s as though nothing ever went wrong between them, and Anna once again finds herself dwelling inwardly on the time they’d spent apart. There were too many questions she needed answers to.

_We were finally getting somewhere. Why did you leave? Were you running away from this? From us? Is there even an ‘us’ to run from?_

“Why would anyone buy this crap?” she wonders aloud, picking up a jar of eyeballs from one of the many dust-covered shelves and giving it a shake. When she doesn’t get a response, she lays the jar back down and goes to seek out her friend. Suddenly, the door of the standing coffin just ahead of her bursts open.

“RAAAAA! Mwah-ha-ha-ha….” Ryan ambles slowly towards her, adorned with the mask of Frankenstein. 

“Does one of us have to actually shit themselves for this game to end?”

“Yup. Why? In need of a diaper change Princess?”

“Maybe? Why? You gonna do it for me?”

“I’d do anything for you. You know that.” 

Under the guise of the mask, Anna finds it hard to determine whether or not he meant to sound ambiguous. Thinks it convenient, and wonders if it’s even worth contemplating at this point. Their flirtatious banter has remained just that, flirtatious banter, for thirteen years. 

“Alright. I’m over Halloween. Let’s shoot the crow.”

“ _Shoot the crow_?” Ryan repeats. His eyes follow Anna as she drops her mask to the floor on route to the side entrance, and proceeds to remove his own.

“Yeah. Means 'Time to go', so let’s get out of here.” 

“Huh. How do you even come up with this shit dude?”

“Just something my Dad used to say.” 

Anna leans carefully over the barrier to get a better look at the lower level, taking in the derelict, moss-covered carousel sitting just below, a shadow of its former self. She observes the symphony of colors and steeds cast in grey, all fallen victim to the passage of time. Yet another grim remnant of what came before, when the jubilant sounds of the fairground organ and children’s laughter would float through the air. Basking in their innocence. Making memories. 

_Fuckin’ creepy is what it is._

“So where are we going exactly?” 

“Don’t worry. You’ll see. Hey, I have an idea. See those cars down there?” he points to the display standing across from the solitary merry-go-round.

“Yea…”

“Ok you take the red one, I’ll take the blue. We’re gonna pitch these bricks. Whoever manages to break all the windows on their car first, wins.”

“Aaaah. Juvenile delinquency at its best! Aren’t we a little old to be playing games like this?”

“Scared you’re gonna lose?”

“Hell no. Prepare to have your ass handed to ya.”

Ryan emits a laughing growl in response whilst picking up a nearby brick.

“Ok, winner gets to ask the loser a question. And you have to give an honest answer. Fair?”

Anna picks up a brick of her own, smiles, and lifts an eyebrow at him.

“You’re on.”

“ _Ah, ah, ah_ …what was that about my ass?” 

Ryan two-steps his way towards the bested girl, giving her a little shove as she continues to scowl at him, arms crossed, leaning on her left leg, hip jutted outwards.

“You practically tackled me to the ground for that last brick you great ox! Unfair advantage.” 

“Now, now Princess. Don’t be a sore loser. Right! Question time.”

He rubs his hands together and squints at her. Anna shakes her head at his hubristic display. But then his smile begins to falter. She takes in a breath of apprehension, anticipating whatever it is that he wants to ask her.

“What’s it gonna take…for us to go back to the way we were before? Before I left, I mean.”

A revealing ache begins to fill her chest at this query. A slight stutter in his speech and the quiet hesitance of his delivery indicates that there is some torment or regret in his heart. But she won’t lay her cards out for him yet. Won’t even admit to herself that her own trepidations have influenced this choice.

“Tickets to ‘Stevie Nicks’ should do it.” She smiles but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

The look he gives her is desperate and dismal. It breaks her heart to see it. She never wants to be the one to provoke such a somber expression on his face. So she decides to give a little.

“Just…just keep doing what you’re doing.” She offers, playing it safe. 

He brightens noticeably at that, and she responds with a warm smile.

“Alright then…come and let me show you this thing. We’re almost there.”

Ryan leads them through a set of metal double-doors, and they begin to make their way through the back-of-house areas. Passing various pallets of abandoned equipment and stock, on more than one occasion Anna jumps at the sight of a mannequin, standing menacingly in her limited view. Finally, they reach the fire-exit stairs and descend into the gloomy unknown with only the torches clipped to their bags illuminating a path. 

“Dude, what are we doing back here? This place is freaking me out.”

“Ya’ know how they only power certain parts of the city?”

“Yeah?”

“Follow me.” 

Plunging further into the dust-brimmed darkness and rounding yet another pallet-truck of futile materials, they finally arrive at their destination. Ryan points his torch at what looks to be a closed-circuit panel on the wall. 

“So, turns out…” **Bang** \- He slams the butt of his torch against the lock – “the whole city has power…” **Bang** \- he slams it again. “They just flip the circuit breakers.” **Bang** – the final blow breaks open the box. 

“And all we gotta do is flip it back.”

“Ryan, don’t take this personally, but I think you're reachin’ a bit with this one.”

Clutching her hands on the lever and yanking it up, the pair watch as the over-head lights come to life with a flickering shudder, casting the shadows away with white luminosity. Ryan catches Anna’s eye with a smug smirk, and she huffs out a small chuckle.

“Alright, alright. You were right. For once.” 

“Are you ever gonna cut me some slack?”

“Nope.”

He bumps her as he passes, heading towards the open doorway and turning to lean on the frame, crossing his arms as he watches her approach. 

She sees him for the first time now, exposed to her under the brilliant, bright lights. He looks the same as he did the last time she saw him. He has the same buzz-cut hair, the same dark brown eyes, the same light smattering of freckles across his nose, and that small gap between his front teeth she loves so much. He rakes his eyes over her as she steps into his space, and she can’t help but jitter a little under his gaze. But something is different about him. Something in his manner has shifted from the cocksure, scatty young man he was not long ago, to something more self-assured. His confidence is still there undoubtedly, but it’s cooled down to a simmer, to something more purposeful perhaps...

“You ready?” He asks.

“Ready for what?” She inquires gingerly.

“For what I brought you here for.”

He takes her hand and leads her to the next set of double-doors at the end of the corridor. She stops him before he can push through. 

“Hey, Ryan?” 

Pulling his hand back from the handlebar, he acknowledges her as she fixes to voice whatever is on her mind.

“I know what you’re trying to do, and….I’m really glad…that you aren’t dead.”

Ryan drops his head and closes his eyes. She speaks again.

“I mean…I’m glad we’re here, together…and…”

“I didn’t mean it,” he interrupts, “Any of that stuff I said… before I left. I didn’t mean it.”

Anna takes a breath, tries to calm the fervor that inevitably rolls over her nerves whenever she’s met with sincerity in conversation. She responds to it the same way she always has, with humor.

“You’re such a wuss.”

He throws her a mock-offended look as he retorts, “I think you’ll find you’re the one who just got all in her feelings. Anyway, stop stalling woman! Feast your eyes on this.”

With that, he opens both doors with an exaggerated push and steps aside to observe her reaction. Vibrant reds and golds bounce off of her irises, twisting and turning like a kaleidoscope. It’s not often she’s rendered speechless, but as Anna stares up into the impossible miracle that is this revived carousel, she finds herself inexplicably moved. Not only by the elaborate elegance of the thing but by the intention behind it. The very idea that he would do all of this for her, that her good opinion of him means so much to him, brings tears to her eyes. She looks and finds him staring at her, holding her gaze. 

“How’d I do?”

She giggles, wiping a fallen tear from her rosy, freckled cheek.

“Oh…you did me proud mister.”

Looking thoroughly pleased with himself, Ryan sets off towards the gift he’s presented to her. Gathering herself as best she can, Anna follows.

“What if the soldiers clock the lights being on?” 

“Exterior lights don’t work,” he calls back to her.

“How do you know?”

“This Firefly, Melanie, told me all about it. She’s cool; I think you’d really like her.”

_Yeah, considering how much I’ve liked all of your other girls, I rather doubt that._

“Well don’t just stand there,” he titters. “Get on up here girl!” 

Not needing to be told twice, Anna skips toward one of the many majestic mares and pulls herself up. She’s already decided that this will be her favorite memory. One she’ll hold in her heart for the rest of her days, no matter what happens between them.

“Take me for a ride, Ryan.” 

His face lights up in a reflection of the golden incandescence of both the ride and the happy girl sitting on it. He hits the button and watches her go.

“Hold on tight.” 

“Whoa, wait! You’re not coming with?” 

“Ha-ha! Nah you got this Kels.” 

“You should have hitched a ride with me dude. That shit was awesome.”

She was still on cloud nine, giddy and glowing, and Ryan found himself relishing in her mirth. 

“There’s no way in hell I would ever be seen ridin’ that thing. I have a reputation to maintain, girl. Little cutey like you just about got away with it.”

His attention pulled elsewhere, he completely misses the blush spreading across her cheeks.

“Anna, look!” He points to a box, standing aglow beneath the bog-covered escalators. 

“Share snap…is this a photo booth?”

“Hell yeah, it is. And since you broke my camera, we’re doin’ this. Update that picture of yours.”

Pulling the curtain aside and stepping into the gaudy interior, Anna settles on the bench and takes in her surroundings. It’s cramped, so she’ll be pressed up against him once again, slightly concerning considering the mood the night has taken so far.

“Ok. Go ahead Kels. This is your show.” 

She hits a button and is met with a bunny hosting the choice of themes on screen. They have three options, ‘Love’, ‘Friends’ and ‘Cool’. Figuring she doesn’t have much to lose at this point, she chooses ‘Love’.

“Interesting choice…” he mutters.

_No comment._

‘Get Ready!’ flashes up on screen and Ryan huddles closer to her as they wait for the session to start. They take 3 pictures in total, the first flexing their muscles, the second crossing their eyes, pulling their noses up, and sticking their tongues out. For the final shot, Ryan wraps his arms around the girl and gives her a sloppy, wet kiss on the cheek.

“ _Eurgh, gross_!”

“You chose the theme Darlin’!’”

A message reading ‘printer out of order’ appears, accompanied by the angelic audio squeaks of the rambunctious little bunny squealing ‘Oh no!’ Ryan gives the screen a light thump, only to be met with an 'error' message. He thumps it again whilst Anna hits the retry button.

“Oh come _ooooon_ …” she grumps, her patience wearing thin. She joins him in his thumping of the thing in an attempt to get it to work until it drops a resounding groan and cuts out entirely. 

They slowly turn to look at one another.

“It’s dead,” she states. “We killed it.”

“Looks that way…” 

They stare at each other for a fleeting moment, and Anna briefly glances at his lips before catching him doing the same. He leans in ever-so-slightly before turning away and climbing out of the booth altogether. 

“Come on, Princess. We’ve got more exploring to do.” He reaches out a hand to her, and she hesitates a little before taking it, still reeling from what almost was. 

As they wander back in the direction they came, a woman’s voice blares through the broken windows from the speakers outside.

**“ATTENTION. THE 6 AM SHIFT STARTS IN 15 MINUTES. ALL DRAFTED CITIZENS MUST REPORT FOR DUTY. ANYONE ABSENT AT ROLL CALL IS IN VIOLATION OF THE LAW.”**

“I’d love to tell her she’s in violation of my ears.”

“I bet you would. This way.” He hops onto the now fully operational escalator and sits down to face her. Anna takes a step forward onto the moving stairway and climbs a few steps towards him. 

“Handy contraption, this,” she comments tapping the handrail.

“Convenience was the name of the game back then Kels.” He responds, stretching his arms out above his head and releasing a yawn. “People wanted an easy life.”

She nods, “Must have been nice…”

Life in the QZ was a lot of things, but never easy. Ever since she’d first arrived here at the tender age of eight, Anna had only ever known a life of struggle, hunger, and fear. Her father’s profession had been their golden ticket to get in. FEDRA (or FEMA as they were known at the time) were in desperate need of people with medical training. Every set of hands they could get, they used. There was an unprecedented amount of casualties in those early days of establishing the zone, not everyone was willing to take the risk and help, what with the general ignorance surrounding the infection. She would never forget the droves of people flocking to the buffer zone. The sight had been chaotic and frightening, a sea of desperate faces pressed up against the fences that surrounded the perimeter wall, begging to be let in. Not to mention, the near-constant sound of gunfire. 

‘Thank our lucky stars we got this chance kiddo. We have to make the best of it.’ 

“ _Helloooo?_ Anna? Hey,” Ryan reaches for her shoulder and gives her a little shake.

“Huh?” She blinks.

“Lost ya’ for a sec. Where’d you go?” he asks, giving her an attentive nudge.

“Oh. Sorry. It’s nothing, I’m fine.”

He didn’t look convinced but seemed to decide it was best to say no more on the subject. Instead, he nodded his head towards the lit-up shop across the way. 

“Holy shit."

Anna shoots towards the entrance, looking up in wide-eyed wonder at the shop front, embellished with a gorgeously back-lit header, ‘ _NEWBURY COMICS_.’ Inside, stacks upon stacks of music, film, toys, clothing, and vinyl sat untouched. She felt as though they had stumbled across a time capsule, a place where time stood still, safeguarding an abundance of humanity’s creative ingenuity. She instantly felt at one with the ghosts of this wondrous emporium, as though they were kindred spirits, each one drawn to its promise of enlightenment. And although there was no one here to receive her, she felt welcome no less. A gentle hand presses against the small of her back and pushes her forward.

“Go on.” He whispers.

Her heart had seemingly decreed that since she was here she had to touch everything in sight. Most of the t-shirts had already been taken but she eagerly hunted for something that spoke to her small recollection of pop culture. She held up a vivid cerulean shirt with a woman’s face on it, tape covering her mouth and the words ‘ _Enjoy the Silence_ ’ printed across the top.

“Once upon a time I imagine some people would have found this rather offensive...now I think it’s quite fitting, shame about the color.”

“You should consider giftin’ it to your friend on the speakers,” Ryan suggested from across the room.

“Ya’ know I might just do that.” Her eyes landed on a vintage grey, distressed short-sleeved jersey, featuring some kind of horned fiend entitled 'Motörhead'.

_If ever there were a t-shirt to make people sweat, this would be it. So badass._

Favoring a man shirt, she folded her latest find and stuffed it into her backpack before pushing the arms of her jacket to her elbows and flipping through the extensive vinyl collection. Music was practically inaccessible these days. Anna’s only source being her dad’s old Walkman and even that only played cassette tapes, a media format that’d perished years before the outbreak. Her chances of finding anything new were slim to none; even in the most niche of old-school music stores. She made her way over to Ryan who appeared to be fiddling around in one of the burgundy booths in the far corner of the store. He spun around as she approached and beamed at her.

“What are you doing?” she inquired dubiously as he opened the door.

“Fulfilling a request. Get in here.” Pulling her into the booth with him, Ryan placed a set of headphones over her ears and pressed play. A sweet, husky contralto poured over her senses like runny honey, sending a surge of recognition through her entire body and alighting in her soul.

‘ _To be the last to leave, the last to be gone, stolen from the ones, who held on to it_ ’

The girl’s eyes begin to sting as she tries not to succumb to the salty tears gathering in earnest.

‘ _At risk to my feelings, we are dreamers in the night; some call it my nightmare, but my five fireflies...Like a sailing ship not one of us runs...everyone stays and the fire never fades._ ’

“‘Fireflies...” She utters, leaning against the frame of the booth to face him.

_A song about people trying to keep together, trying to remember what it was they were fighting for, despite the weight of the world. How fitting._

She pulls the headphones off and clutches them to her chest, meeting his eyes again, sighing as she goes.

“I guess this means I have to forgive you.”

He shrugs. “Ask and you shall receive, Princess," he looks over his shoulder to the fire-door, where the soft hum of music could be heard filtering through. “Can you hear that?”

“Hey hold up big guy. It’s getting kinda late ya’ know. I need to get back.”

“Naah we’ve got plenty of time!” he waves a dismissive hand at her.

“Ry, I’m serious. They’ve been watching me ever since...you know. I can’t keep pushing my luck. We’ll come back tomorrow.”

“I can’t...”

“We’ll do it the next day then,” she bargains. He shakes his head. “Okay Firefly dude, when?”

“She’s asked me to leave.”

Anna freezes momentarily at this sudden revelation.

“Leave? Wait. As in, leave Boston?” He nods soberly.

“They’ve been planning on leaving for a while. Mom says the soldiers have been coming down on their ranks hard, really amped up the pressure. Their only option now is to regroup in another city, somewhere out west I think.”

Anna felt as though she’d taken a sucker-punch to the gut. He was leaving the QZ? They’d always talked about getting out one day, just the two of them, though it had always been more of a pipe dream to her. But now he was leaving her behind. Years of ridiculing his mother’s fanaticism, all forgotten in favor of a new adventure, one that wouldn’t include her. Apparently, he’d gotten bored of running around the Boston North end, ducking and diving from FEDRA, bearing a closer resemblance to Peter Pan than a freedom fighter. Silencing her inner rhetoric, and swallowing the lump in her throat, she resolved to be mature about this. They’d made no promises to each other, and he had every right to follow his own path.

“I would’ve come to you sooner, but you know what she’s like. Everything’s a test. I don’t have the best track record here; she needed to know I was serious. Boston just isn’t safe for me anymore. That’s...why I took off.”

“Yeah...I know. So uh...when do you leave?”

She was trying desperately to conceal her anguish, fighting every urge to yell at him for making such a monumental decision without even telling her. How long had he been musing on this new charge? She knew him to be reckless, and he’d never felt particularly obligated to do anything in all the time she’d known him, so why now?

It dawned on her then that her list of questions had grown, and she wasn’t satisfied with the responses he’d given so far. They’d sounded too much like a cop-out. Something wasn’t adding up.

“I’ll be traveling with a small group. They’re picking me up tomorrow.”

“.....okay,” she quietly muses.

He stares at her for a long moment, waiting for her to say more. When she doesn’t, he raises his voice a little, splaying his arms out from his sides.

“Okay? That all you’ve got to say?”

“What do you want from me Ry?”

“I don’t know!” he begins to pace a little in front of her, “some friendly advice would be a start.” She lets out a disbelieving huff as he stops in front of her.

“I’m serious.”

“Why did you even bring me here?” she asks, gawking at him.

He stands with his mouth open, seemingly wanting to say something, then opting for an easier response.

“I wanted to see you.”

“No. Why did you bring me here?” she emphasizes.

He shakes his head again. The look on his face is so foreign to her, and her struggle to gauge his feelings is beginning to grate on her patience.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know. You want my advice, Ryan? Just go. If this is what you want, then go.”

He pulls his lips into a tight straight line and begins to walk back to the fire door.

“I’m gonna go see where that music’s comin’ from.”

“Ryan. Ryan! Jesus....”

She stands alone by the booth, watching as the door slowly closes in his wake. It’s clear he intends for her to go after him. If this is goodbye, and it’s certainly sounding like one, she doesn’t want it to end like this. Not after everything they’ve been through. The effort he’d put in for her on this night, and all he’d done for her in her time of need. She’d never know peace with him gone, not without giving her some answers.

She finds him standing in the middle of an old department store, looking up at paper planes swinging from the turbines of a ceiling fan. His head shifts as she approaches, but he doesn’t look at her.

“Weird isn’t it? How we’ll never know what it feels like to be up there, flyin’ somewhere new. Somewhere we’ve never seen, only in our minds, just leavin’ all of our troubles behind.”

“You can’t just fly away from your problems Ry.”

“Sometimes you’ve got no other choice, Kels.”

“Is that what’s happening then? You done with this conversation?”

“Are you?”

She cannot for the life of her figure out why he’s being so short with her. How he can even justify this stance in his own mind. She didn’t make this choice; she isn’t the one walking away.

“You don’t get to be pissed off at me. I’m pissed off at you.”

“Why are you pissed off at me Anna?” he looks at her then, the volume in his voice beginning to climb “Because I asked you what you think?”

“When have you ever cared about what I think?” she cries “Everything you’ve shown me tonight, all of these, these grand gestures. Were you just trying to sweeten me up? Lessen the blow? It’s like I said before Ry if you wanna go then just go! I’m not gonna stop you. I’m giving you an out.”

He starts to walk slowly towards her, eyes blazing.

“I’m supposed to be layin’ low on the other side of town. If they catch me out here as a Firefly I’m fucked. I didn’t cross a city full of soldiers for an ‘out’ Anna. And yeah, I felt some sorta ways for leaving the way I did and I wanted to make it up to you. I am trying here.”

“Trying! This is you trying!?”

He grabs her by the shoulders and leans in until his face is mere inches away from hers, his hot breath making her eyes water, and she retreats a little at his sudden change in proximity.

“Tell me you want me to stay.”

“What?”

“Say it, Anna. I need to hear you say it.”

“Ryan, what the fuck is going on?”

He crushes his lips against hers, his hands rising up to grasp her cheeks, pulling her in, trapping her in his passionate plea. Anna’s own lips begin to respond after the initial shock, moving of their own accord as if from memory. And why wouldn’t they? When she’d imagined it happen a hundred times before. For what seems like an eternity, the kiss lasts only a few seconds. They pull back and stare into each other’s eyes, mirroring a feeling of ardent desire and recognition of an act they’d both been secretly hoping for, whether they knew it or not.

“Sorry...” he whispers, still holding her face in his hands.

“What for?” she whispers back.

“Come with me.”

“With the Fireflies?”

“Fuck the Fireflies, we don’t need them. Let’s just get out of here, like we always talked about.”

“Ryan, I...wait,” she stalls, pulling away from him as movement catches her eye by the double doors they’d entered through. An amalgamation of shadows crawl along the walls, growing and shifting in crazed motion, followed by the unrelenting moans and screams that can only mean one thing. A tall, bearded man, rabid and deranged, runs from behind one of the many free-standing displays, eyes blood-shot and spit drooling from his mouth down to his grimy, blood-spattered shirt. His head snaps in different directions, searching for the source of the sounds he’d heard in his resting state. His eyes fall upon the pair standing perilously in the open space. He snarls mindlessly at them, driven by insatiable hunger, and charges.

**BANG** – a bullet rips through his right eye sending him tumbling to the ground. Several deranged faces appear from behind the empty gondolas, alerted by the sound of gunfire. Ryan holds his gun up to them, shoving Anna towards the service doors on the other side of the store.

“Run Anna! Run!”

“Anna! Stay with me!”

Sprinting as quickly as her legs can carry her, Anna tears over a stack of panels trying to keep up with him. They dart between the heavy-duty shelves of the stockroom, shoving abandoned fixtures and mannequins out of their way. Anna almost topples over a timber platform trolley as she looks back at the haphazard pump truck blocking the doors between them and the infected.

“Fuck!” Ryan shouts as he slams the exit shut and forces a five-foot pole through the handles. The hinges shake as the impending horde slams into the other side, howling at the top of their lungs. Seemingly trapped, he twists around, searching for another way out.

“Here! Anna, help me lift this,” he crouches down into a squat at the loading bay shutters and curls his fingers underneath. Anna rushes to the other end and does the same.

“Alright, lift,” he grunts, straining against the heavy, red-rusted steel.

“Quick, get under there and find something to prop it up with. I’ll hold it.”

The unrelenting impact against the first set of doors explodes into a swarm of impending doom, once again searching manically for their next meal.

“Ryan they’re coming!”

“I know, I know, find something quick!”

She grabs a nearby stationary trolley and rolls it, watching as Ryan dives under, barely escaping the clutches of an incensed, ragged woman gnashing her protruding teeth at his feet. Three bullets burst in quick succession from the mouth of the military-grade Glock into her head, brain-matter bursting across the back-side of the security shutter.

“Oh God...” she stutters, her churning stomach unaccustomed to such gore and violence.

“Let’s move.”

Smashing through to the loading bay, they discover it to be infested with more infected, abruptly awoken from their slumber. Closing in on all sides, Ryan takes her hand and leads them through the open lorry standing between them and the next exit. Ducking beneath a collapsed air vent, she feels something clamp down on her ankle and pull.

“RYAN!!” she screams, trying to drag herself away whilst simultaneously booting the ravenous creature with her other foot. Barely registering the blunt force slamming into its face, the infected begins to climb her body in search of a less frantic field to bite down on. Yanking her father’s switchblade from her back pocket, she thrusts full force into its temple, pulling it out only to be sprayed with the seemingly endless spurt of crimson. Swallowing down the bile rising in her throat, she clambers to her feet to see Ryan caught in a struggle of his own, grappling with his attacker as it bobs and stretches its neck trying to land a bite.

_No!_

She launches herself at it, jumping on its back and plunging her knife into its jugular once, twice, three times. As it falls to the floor she continues to stab like a woman possessed, blinded by fearful rage.

“Anna, Anna, Anna, come on that’s enough, we need to keep going,” he puffs and pulls her off of the now very dead runner.

Body aching from the exertion, she was so unused to fighting for her life in such a visceral way, and it seemed as though it would never end. Met with yet another swarm, they were forced to make a dash for the doddery scaffolding scattered across the food court. Leaping over the unstable structures, Anna barely makes the last jump as the front-runners of the pack knock the scaffold off its legs. They make their way towards the broken windows at the apex of the mall, climbing higher and higher to escape the clutches of the few infected that had managed to get across behind them. Tired and sore, Anna reaches for Ryan’s outstretched hand as he waits on top of the last remaining climb.

“Give me your hand, I gotcha’”

Her fingertips graze his own, just as she feels the scaffold give way beneath her, and it’s as though she’s falling in slow motion, his mortified face getting further and further away from her. Crashing to the rain-soaked floor below, she barely notices the Runner launching itself at her. Blocking its attack with her arm, the sounds of gunshots ring out around her, so close and yet seemingly so far away, and she is momentarily squashed by dead-weight. And then he’s there, pulling her to her feet. For a brief moment, their eyes meet, until he’s tackled side-ways from her view. Another Runner. How could they have missed it?

She rushes forward to his rescue, ripping the madwoman from his supine body and plunging her knife into her throat. Ryan drags himself back to lean against a brick-potted plant bed, desperately trying to catch his breath.

“I think it’s clear,” she pants, eyes scanning the disarray surrounding them. An almost mournful red glow frames the scene, as the rising sun spreads its rays across the desolate city.

“Anna....” she looks at him then, “Anna your arm.”

Her heart sinks with her eyes as she examines the unmistakable markings etched into her freckled skin, her switchblade slips from her grip and clatters on the floor.

_No..._

She wipes the blood away from the wound, but it continues to weep.

_No, no, no..._

Her eyes well with tears as she lifts her head up to him. He looks back at her, sadness in his eyes, and slowly raises his hand up to her. She sinks to her knees, overcome with definite grief. Puncture wounds form a semi-circle in the fleshy mound of his palm, blood trickling down his wrist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! And that's the end of Chapter 1.
> 
> As you can see, this chapter serves the same purpose as the DLC, providing a precursor for the main story, and an introduction to some original characters.
> 
> A couple of references are scattered about in there, I wonder if anyone can spot them...
> 
> Chapter 2 will see the immediate aftermath of Anna and Ryan's predicament, a meeting with Marlene, and the official 'Meet-cute' of Anna and Joel, with Tess!
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I'll see you in a week!


	2. Afterglow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Anna try to come to terms with the circumstances, only for Anna to make an extraordinary discovery about herself. A plan is set in motion and new acquaintances are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration struck me and I felt compelled to post!
> 
> Going forward the chapters will be around the same length as this one, and I hope to strike a nice balance between relationship-building and world-building throughout. 
> 
> Happy Reading!

# Afterglow

“Hey, it getting hot in here, or is it just me?”

His half-hearted attempt at humor goes unacknowledged; in fact, almost every word he has extended to her in the last half hour or so has fallen upon resolutely despairing deaf-ears. Anna had been absently staring into space since the last intact plant pot had met its violent end, crushed to oblivion with a lead pipe, and ‘ _why not_?’ she thought, for the inanimate thing had lost all purpose a long time ago. It had no viable reason to go on existing; apparently, they had that in common.

A voice is distantly calling her to attention, its tenor she vaguely recognizes but there is unfamiliarity there, for she thinks she knows of whom it belongs but cannot be sure. It feels as though she heard it only yesterday and yet she has not felt the tremors of this particular voice for a long time. It’s igniting a singular response from her, inveterate defiance in being told what to do, alongside an obligation to conform, to behave, and to listen.

Just as the stems of her echoic memory begin to grasp the vision of this omnipresent being, she is pulled back into the quiet carnage of her true reality by two merciful hands. He’s approaching her face again, looking into her eyes, only this time there is no rush, no needful zeal, only his kindly concern. So few have ever been so close, but only he had inspired such ardent longing in her heart in all her 28 years. The simple concept of never being able to pursue this line of feeling, to watch it grow and flourish, felt a little like dying in and of itself.

And so it was to be that those affections would not be granted access to her thoughts again, that these precious few hours she had left with him would be spent basking in their rapport, the sentiments she knew and was comfortable with. 

“It’s the fever.”

He ceases his gentle movements, having seemingly brought her back from whatever solitary place she’d wondered, and gives the girl his full attention. 

“Say that again Anna?” 

She focuses her vision, providing him with the reassurance he needs that she has returned to the present before, “It’s the fever, you’re body’s trying to fight the infection, raising your internal temperature in an attempt to stop the virus from growing. You’ll probably be shaking like a leaf in a minute.”

“Huh. There was me thinkin’ I was having some kind of delayed reaction, after your epic takedown of the crazy bitch who bit me.”

“It was pretty epic wasn’t it?” she laughs, her mood abruptly switching gears, “Big burly dude couldn’t handle a little crazy. Needed his wee friend with her wee knife to come along and save the day.”

“Well ‘Big Burly’ was pretty impressed with his wee friend and her wee knife. Turns out she’s a bit of a savage.”

“Damn straight.”

A burst of synchronic laughter dissolves the last of the tension lingering persistently in the air, met with the discernible sounds of a grumbling stomach.

“Jesus Ry, pitching for your first meal already!”

His laughter reaches an even higher frequency.

“Fuck that’s dark, even for you.”

With an exaggerated grunt, she pulls to her feet and offers a hand to him.

“Come on, it’s still pouring down out there, let’s head to the roof, see if there’s anything we can scrounge up to catch the water. Might even find an old vending machine while we’re at it.”

Conveniently, someone had already had the brilliant idea of leaving out a few buckets on the flat slab of concrete that made up the little alcove of the Liberty Gardens rooftop. They were fairly sure whoever had done it would not be coming back, either way; it seemed a little redundant to worry about it now.

“We don’t know how long it’s been there Ry.”

“You’re worrying about stale water at a time like this? “

“I’m not drinking it.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’d rather die.”

“Ha!”

Giggling to herself at the irony of her words, she empties the buckets and lays them back out in the rain before returning to her spot next to him under the veranda. They stare out into the distance at the fusion of their fragmented skyline, buildings collapsed and leaning against each other for support, not unlike the two friends. All but the North End of Boston had been napalmed during the early days of the outbreak, a last-ditch attempt to regain some semblance of control in the area, eradicating thousands of lives, both the infected and the sane. Sacrifice the few to save the many. Only it seems they sacrificed a great many, and saved very few.

It’s a beautiful morning, black-capped chickadees chirping and fluttering overhead, filling the air with their morning song. Droplets of water cascade from the leaves of the plant life that had vined its way up the side of the structure, healthy and prosperous, having been allowed to reign free for so many years. For what it was worth, this wouldn’t be a terrible place to die, if, in fact, that was how it went. Pondering that fate didn’t seem too wise at present, didn’t mirror the deal she’d made with herself to maintain high spirits, if not for her own sake, but for his. It’s at that moment his stomach decides to remind them of its previous declarations.

“Could really do with a sandwich.” He sighs at her.

“That your meal of choice? Your _last_ meal?”

“Oh, no girl. Here, let me think....” he rubs his chin in playful thought, “Two racks of Buffalo baby-back ribs. Side of chips, seasoned with some good herbs and spices, and a side of sour cream for dippin’ in. Bottle of champagne to top it off. Decadent ghetto...” 

His voice trails off at that last, his head leaning forward into his hands. The blinding rays of the sun, sitting high above them now, burned their eyes with full force, indifferent to the plight of those living beneath it. Whether they existed or not, the sun would go on burning, for that was its sole purpose. 

“You wanna head back inside? This light isn’t gonna do us any good, my head’s been throbbing all morning,” she suggests to him, hand resting on his sagging shoulder.

“Yea...yea I think we should.”

It’s clear he’s feeling the effects of their predicament now, so much so that he can barely hide it from her anymore. She quickly pours one half-filled bucket of rainwater into another and carries it down behind him. Once they’ve settled back into the shelter of the mall, she offers him a drink, before taking a sip herself. 

“Don’t seem to be hittin’ you as hard...”

“Dunno about that, I’ve been trying not to puke since before we got up on the roof.”

He did seem to be deteriorating a bit faster than her, but then that could be down to a lack of fuel in his system. She hadn’t thought to ask him when he’d last had a decent meal, but it would certainly explain the speed at which his symptoms were progressing. And when had he started shaking? 

“Talk to me Anna, I need a distraction from this...this ache...”

He’d pulled his gun out of the back of his pants again, and she was at a loss for words as he began to fiddle with it, eyeballing it with what little concentration he could muster in his foggy frame of mind. He pauses for a moment when she doesn’t respond, then lays the gun down between his legs. 

“Ya know Anna...it’s not like we don’t have options here,”

_Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say._

“I mean, we know for a fact this isn’t going to get better, but it doesn’t have to get any worse either,”

_There is no way in hell I am doing that. And I could never ask you to shoot me; I wouldn’t do that to you._

“We could just take the easy way out-”

“Ryan,” she cuts him off, “I can’t...”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey,” he wraps an arm around her heaving shoulders as she tries to hold back the oncoming tears, only to send her whole body into a hyperventilating frenzy. Battling her own impulsion to both sob and suck in gulps of air concurrently, she centers herself by counting in her heartbeats, _one_ , _two_ , _three_...

“Breathe Anna, breathe...”

“Please,” she sucks in a mouthful of air, “Please don’t ask me to,” another gulp, “do that...”

“Alright, alright...” he whispers rocking her gently, easing her back into a state of peace, whatever peace there is to be found.

There is some peace, she decides. Peace in knowing that she isn’t alone, that she has her person with her. The last person on earth that she honestly cares about, and who cares about her. That small mercy will carry her through as they sail towards their imminent moment of truth.

“I’m gonna go grab us another bucket of water for the night, should be good and full by now.”

“No, no, no, sit back down, you look like you’re gonna vomit again, I’ll go get it.”

Tiredly making his way towards the door leading to the enclosed stairwell of the glazed roof hatch, he turns back and smiles at her.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Don’t jump,” she winks at him.

He chuckles and rolls his eyes at her before disappearing through the door. 

Anna pulls out her switchblade, flips it back and forth, open and closed, and observes the motion as it cuts through the air. It had been a gift, a means of self-protection presented to her by her father not long after the world went to hell. In the time before, handing a knife over to a nine-year-old might have been frowned upon at the very least, but who in their right mind would judge anyone’s choices today by yesterday’s standards? 

Regardless of what the soldiers said, there were major discrepancies in the way they policed themselves, in comparison to the way they policed civilians. And without wealth to satisfy man's greed, power and prominence became the only true currency of the day. Her father had known that from the start, had seen it first-hand, and made the decision to arm his daughter, his only child. For it was the innocence of children that seemed to bear the true brunt of the new world and all of its cruel injustices. 

_Kept me safe, kept me whole to some degree. Where would I have ended up, had I lost you then, like so many others had? No matter. We’ll be seeing each other again soon I hope... ___

____

____

__But no, it wouldn’t do to dwell on these melancholy moorings, he had always taught her to keep moving forward. To stand tall in the face of adversity, and remember that you can survive anything, as long as you have something worth surviving for. After she’d lost him, she felt as though she’d lost all four of her limbs. She was no longer of any use to anyone; she couldn’t find her purpose, because all of his lessons seemed to die with him. It was as though in order for her to acknowledge them, she would also have to acknowledge his perpetual absence. That and she couldn’t bear to hear his voice inside her head. It hurt too much. She’d give anything to hear that voice now. God, if it hadn’t been for Ryan..._ _

_Where the hell is Ryan?_

__Walking to the spot she’d last seen him; she pokes her head around the door and listens for any tell-tale signs of life._ _

_Must be on the roof...why is he taking so long?_

__Making her way up the stairs to the open hatch, she looks over the edge and spots him standing with his back to her, looking out over the concrete wall._ _

__“Ryan?”_ _

__He twitches a little at her call._ _

__“Ryan I swear to God if you’re trying to scare me again.”_ _

__She’s standing at the opening of the hatch now, noticing the bucket of water knocked to the ground, water spilled across the slab, a foreboding sight. Her heart hitches as it finally catches on to her instincts. Something was wrong._ _

__Taking a tentative step closer, her voice corded with nervous trepidation, she quietly calls to him again._ _

__“Ryan?”_ _

__Her stomach drops when he finally looks at her, eyes wild and...disturbed, desperately trying to placate his conflicting urges with twitchy spasms._ _

__“Ann... _Ann_...” _ _

__Within seconds the battle is lost, and he charges towards her mindlessly wailing as he goes. Reaching for the handle of the door, she goes to close it as she hopelessly attempts to stave off the oncoming shudders ripping through her legs. He gets there before she can bring the thing down and grabs her by the scruff of his t-shirt._ _

__“Let me go!” she screams, slamming the door down onto his grappling arm in an attempt to loosen his furious fingers, “Ryan let me go!”_ _

__Tearing herself from his steely grip, she races down the steps and slams into the closed door in her panic. Losing his footing, he plunges down the stairs behind her, thrashing about in his feverish turmoil, and rolls straight into her ankles as she wheels around the door and away from his searching hands. She thumps the door shut behind her and turns the lock before pressing her back to it and sliding down to her ass. He clobbers the door from the other side, roaring his demands to be let in and have his dog-hungry way with her. All she can do is sit and let the tears flow, silent and alone._ _

__“Where is he?”_ _

__“Marlene...”_ _

__“Where is my son, Anna?” she cuts across her._ _

__She is strangely calm despite the unsaid truth hovering between them. Anna had always known Marlene to be a very even-tempered sort of person, not easily riled, not even the fate of her only child could pull her from her stoic temperament it seemed._ _

__“He’s gone...”_ _

__Marlene’s eyes shine for the briefest of moments before turning her back to the girl and looking out the small, dank office window. She’d been holed up here in this abandoned warehouse for the last week after a series of failed attempts to throw the soldiers off of their scent, but her numbers were dwindling, and what was left of her crew had grown sloppy and disheartened by their failings. If they carried on the way they were going, the cause would be lost. The undisputed creed of the Fireflies revolved around the ever-enduring belief that they would win, that they were the light in the never-ending darkness, destined to lead humanity towards a new beginning. Without hope they had nothing._ _

__She would not allow herself to mourn him, could not succumb to her grief. Her people needed her, now more than ever, to get them out of this cesspit of a QZ. That was her objective._ _

__“Let me see it,” she demanded, gesturing to the rag wrapped around Anna’s arm._ _

__Wary of the woman she’d witnessed many a time killing their so-called care-takers in cold blood, Anna reluctantly unravels the shabby fabric and offers her trembling limb out for her to inspect, shifting uncomfortably at the scrutiny. Anyone else would have shot her without hesitation, only her pre-existing relationship with Marlene had given her some semblance of repose when she’d approached the old repository, bearing such disconcerting news._ _

__“You don’t feel anything? Not nauseous at all?”_ _

__“I was...but I think that was just where I’d hit my head.”_ _

__She gives a nod before making her way to the office door._ _

__“I’m gonna go speak to some of my people, see if we can get you to a safe house. I’m not risking any more of my guys getting killed by carelessness. We do this right. Keep you locked up with food and water until we know what’s what.”_ _

__“Marlene,” she goes to speak but can’t seem to find the words. Shaking her head, she takes a breath and, “Thank you...and...I’m sorry.”_ _

__Met with a long silence, she worries if she’d said too much, with what few words she could have mustered, until a chilled hand gently squeezes her shoulder. Their eyes never meet, and on the instant the battle-hardened woman leaves, Anna is crushed by the weight of what has come to pass. Her best friend is gone; she hasn’t turned, and thus will not be reunited with those she has lost. Instead, she's been left behind, the future uncertain, with only this to comfort her. Life has taken all she holds dear and left her with a single thought, there must be a reason, a purpose for her plight._ _

__She walks towards the window and lifts the latch, stretching her hand out into the falling rain. She studies the cold wetness colliding with her skin, trickling to the ends of her fingers before continuing down its established line to the earth. It reminds her that she is still here, that a new passage has been opened to her, calling to mind the soberness of her father’s words. Wherever this new path takes her. That is where she must go._ _

**Cack Cack Cack Cack**

The unmistakeable sharp pops of gunfire propagate through the walls of the small coffee shop sitting on the border of Areas 1 and 3. Anna had always thought the sound to be like someone taking a hammer to a thick sheet of steel, only it seemed to be getting closer and closer to her. One of Marlene’s higher-ups, Philip, and two other Fireflies she didn’t catch the names of appeared to have been spotted stationed outside of her location. By the sounds of things, chaos had ensued, as was standard for Fireflies and trigger-happy FEDRA officers.

_Fuckin’ perfect._

All she could hope for was that the soldiers were engaging with the fanatics for their own ends, and not because they had somehow become aware of the infected girl hiding in the building behind them. Ducking behind the counter, she silently waited for the shooting to stop, bracing herself for a group of the inexorable bastards to come battering down the door to exterminate her.

When the shooting ceased, and the battering never came, Anna listened for the muffled voices of the victors, if in fact there were any. A minute or two passed before she caught the end of an exchange between at least two people, and then she had her answer.

“Fuckin’ Fireflies, never catch a break do they?” a smooth, mirthful voice mocked, “You’d think they’d catch on already, how fuckin’ pointless all a’this is.”

“Only reason they’re still knockin’ about is 'cause a’ that bitch leadin’ em,” another voice, a female, responded.

“Yeah well, she’ll get what’s comin’ to her sooner or later. And after all the shit she’s pulled attackin’ this city, I just hope I’m there to watch.”

“You and me both man.”

“I’ll radio in; get someone to send a clean-up crew for this mess.”

“I say we leave em’. Send a message.”

“Yeah? Guess it won’t hurt to let em’ lie for a day or two, come on then, let’s head back...”

As the voices begin to trail away, Anna crawls out from under the counter and pulls up one of the stacked chairs to sit, pulling out her switchblade and fiddling with it. Marlene had been gone for a while now, at least a couple of hours. Said she was getting that greasy smuggler from Area 2 over here to escort them out of the QZ and straight to the Capitol Building near Downtown Boston. She’d seen him around, the few times she and Ryan had been hanging out in one of his mother’s safe houses, and she had good reason for thinking of him as ‘greasy’. The man had a way about him, always had something to say, without saying very much at all. Hardly someone she’d want to put her trust in, but Marlene had worked with him before, and after both of her other choices fell through, this is who they’d be dealing with.

Just then, the handle of the kitchen door shifted down, and the Firefly leader herself came crumbling through the doorway on all fours, clutching the right side of her abdomen, soaked in blood. A sturdy-looking man, who in no way resembled the greasy creep she knew to be Robert, stepped down to grab the woman from the floor, and Anna instinctually dashed towards them, brandishing her knife in the air.

“Get away from her!”

Just as she goes to swipe him with her blade, the man twists and catches her wrist in an iron grip, piercing hazel-green eyes locked onto her, and Anna had never felt more like an insignificant nuisance.

“Ya’ wanna call off your little lackey here Marlene?” he drawls nonchalantly, holding her gaze, voice dripping with a deep, rumbling southern accent.

“Let her go.” Marlene demands just as Anna snatches her hand away from his restraint, giving him a withering look before turning her attention back to the injured woman.

“Jesus...who did this to you?” she inquires, her voice laced with concern whilst shooting an accusatory glare at the man, only then noticing the woman leaning against the doorway behind him.

Shoulder length, dark curly hair wrapped in a bandana, her slim but womanly body dressed in a practical shirt, jeans, and work boots. She was covered in dirt and mottles of dried blood, lightly bruised with a graze across her right cheekbone. Clearly, she’d been through the wars today, but she looked somewhat amused at the sight of Anna.

“Slim-Pickin's on the recruitment drive...” she hears the old man mutter lowly to his pretty companion, and Anna feels herself bristle at his ridicule.

“She’s not one of mine,” Marlene aims at the him before addressing Anna. “I’m alright, this is fixable,” she reassures, planting her feet and smarting as she leans against the counter, “But I can’t come with you.”

“Well then I’m staying,”

“No. We won’t get another shot at this.”

“Hey,” the man interjects, stepping in behind the girl, “we’re smugglin’ her?”

“There’s a squad waiting for you at the Capitol Building.”

“Capitol building?” the other woman pipes up, “You want us to cross the border into Downtown Boston? It’s swarming with infected,” she smiles incredulously.

“You’re capable. You hand her off, come back and the weapons are yours. I’ll double your yield for your troubles.”

The old guy scoffs, shaking his head at his partner as he crosses his arms across his broad chest. “How can we be sure you ain’t dupin’ us?” he asks.

“We’re not smuggling shit until I see this elusive stash,” the woman concurs with him.

“You’ll come with me, let me get patched up whilst you look over the goods. But I won’t risk taking Anna back across town. I want Joel to watch over her.”

“Fuck that, I’m not going with him!” Anna blurts just as this ‘Joel’ begins to protest. Their eyes meet again with mutual wariness and disdain. The thought of being alone with this man, as much as she hated to admit it, daunted her. He’d been boring holes into her ever since they’d first come into contact. He had a fierce look about him, eyes locked in a permanent scowl as if he were in pain.

_Bulldog chewing a wasp comes to mind..._

“Anna. Anna, listen to me.”

She looks back at her temporary custodian. Marlene lowers her voice.

“His brother used to run with us, they’re a little rough around the edges but they're reliable. I trust them to do right by me. But I need you to buy in.”

Behind her, the other woman leans in to whisper something to her companion, something about it just being ‘cargo.’ In all honesty, Anna could care less how he felt about the situation. He was a means to an end, someone she would have to endure for a day at the most, before leaving him in the dust as she journeyed on to change the fate of mankind. Swallowing her pride, she turns to the skeptical pair and nods her head.

“Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for Chapter 2! Anna has lost one man in her life and gained another, although as far as she's concerned he won't be sticking around for long. Little does she know...
> 
> See you in a few days for the next one, where Joel's suspicions start to get the better of him, and Anna finds herself looking back on an old memory.


	3. A Means to an End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna and Joel make their way to the safe house and await the return of Tess. Anna dreams of a day spent with Ryan, but the dream takes a turn for the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must admit, I do love an angry Joel. Angry, aggressive, threatening, I'll take it all. More of that to come, but for now, let's get these two off to a not-so-nice start shall we?

# A Means to an End

**“ATTENTION! THE ADMINISTRATION REMINDS YOU THAT IT’S YOUR DUTY TO REPORT ANY INDIVIDUALS DISPLAYING SIGNS OF INFECTION TO YOUR NEAREST AREA ADMINISTRATOR. INACTION COSTS LIVES.”**

A shuddering chill rushes to the base of her spine at the woman’s monotonous pronouncement. She’s heard it a thousand times before, but at this moment, Anna has never felt quite so ill-at-ease with herself. In present company she finds no relief, his bare-faced indifference towards her only adding to her ongoing discomfort. He hasn’t said a word to her since they parted ways with the women at the coffee shop, choosing to ignore her curse at the sight of the slaughtered convoy that had been tasked with protecting her.

He stayed a good few feet ahead of her on route to the North Tunnel, maintaining a distance that could easily sustain the lack of conversation, so she took the opportunity to size him up. He was of average height, not quite 6-foot, but appeared vast in stature, broad and strong, and clearly capable. Much like his female counterpart, he was covered in dirt, no doubt he’d put those large hands to work on a few people already today. She recalled the power in his grip and the quickness of his reflex when she’d tried to subdue him earlier, the perusing look in his eyes. No man had ever laid hands on her that way before; it was mildly unnerving, and even a little intriguing.

Climbing up the fire-escape of an abandoned tenement building from one of the many silent back-streets of Area 1, curfew now in full effect, the silence between them was beginning to stifle her. Not being able to stand the tension any longer, Anna finally engaged him, allowing her curiosity to get the better of her.

“You ever done this before? Smuggled someone out I mean?”

He looks over his shoulder at her briefly before continuing his purposeful gait, albeit at a slightly slower pace. He considers his response before responding.

“No.”

“Smuggled anyone in?”

A pause.

“No.”

She catches his slight hesitation, and thinks it safe to assume that he has, but won’t admit to it. Smart. And not surprising considering he doesn’t know her from Adam, nor does he strike her as the talkative type. Still, his one-word answers are enough to convince her not to venture any further down this line of inquiry, or any other line. But then it seems his own curiosity sways him.

“So what’s the deal with you and Marlene? Since you ain’t one a’ her fanatics.”

“No deal. We have a mutual acquaintance,” she offers as casually as she can manage.

“A Mutual Acquaintance.”

“Yep.”

“Kinda seems like a lotta trouble for just an acquaintance...”

Already feeling wobbly with her diversion, and not wanting to feed him any more unnecessary Intel, Anna holds off on a response. She recognizes his attempt to extricate more information; he is justified in doing so, considering the risk.

_Not like you’ve given me much to go on either old man. I’ll be damned if I let you read me like a book._

Joel considers his next words carefully. He doesn’t want to appear overly curious or concerned, but he is dissatisfied with her response, having learned nothing substantial about his temporary charge. He knows one thing. She’s lying to him. And this irks him considerably. This wasn’t the first time he’d laid eyes on her. She’d been there, last year at the meeting in the Old North church regarding the Reuben situation, joined at the hip with that boy of Marlene’s. The whole damn thing reeked of deceit, and with the Fireflies high-tailing it out of Boston, he wouldn’t put it past their savvy ring-leader to pull the wool over their eyes before she left. Giving up a double order of hardware? Unheard of.

“So your ‘mutual friend’ Marlene, Queen of the Fireflies, wants you smuggled outta the city to go where exactly?” he presses.

She needs to come up with something. Anything to throw him off. God forbid he discovers the bite. This guy; he’d be the first to put a bullet in her head.

“Look man, I’ve said all there is to say about that, what happens after we get to where we’re going is none of your concern.”

Harsher than she’d intended it to be, she didn’t want to antagonize the man, but she had her guard up. It felt as though he was backing her into a corner, despite the apathetic poise of his delivery. She already regretted starting up this exchange. He stops in his tracks and she immediately stalls, fearing she’s crossed a line here, and this time there was no Marlene to back her up. Swaying a touch as he turns to face her, a threatening look in his eye, he sneers,

“You wanna know the best thing about my job? I don’t gotta know where you’re goin’. To be honest I couldn’t give two shits what you’re up ta’,” he takes a step toward her, “but if you try anythin’ with me girl, it won’t end well for you.”

And with that he continues down the long corridor to the room at the end, pushing the door to, holding it open for her to go ahead of him.

“In.”

Anna embraces the chill of the cool evening air as a draft makes its way through the cracks of the sizable sliding window, casting goosebumps across the surface of her sweaty skin. She’d been taking in the view for the last half hour or so from the dusty, grungy grey armchair, sat with its back to the sleeping man on the couch across the small room. Looking over to him again, she couldn’t be sure if he had actually fallen asleep, either way, he was done conversing with her, keeping his eyes resolutely shut, so she took the opportunity to pull back her dark-blue base layer shirt sleeve and examine the bite. She shivered at the sight of it, three weeks had passed but it still looked angry, red, and swollen. The abnormal overgrowth of scar tissue covering the deep-set teeth marks, the painful blistering encircling the raised skin like a bad burn left untreated, all of it was enough to make her feel sick.

_It’s hideous. I’m hideous. No one in their right mind would ever touch me now._

She turns to look at the old man again. He hadn’t moved from his spot, save for the positioning of his hands which had folded over his chest.

_What’s with the broken watch I wonder...how long has he been carrying it around like that? I mean he’s a smuggler; surely he could have gotten his hands on a new one. Must be some kind of memento..._

A soft snore drifts from his position, and she rolls her eyes at this rather peaceful, less edgy version of him, just as her own eyes begin to feel heavy. Sleep had never been an easy thing for her to settle into, and she almost always awoke several times in the night, no doubt due to her anxiety. But since the day she’d been bitten, the day she’d watched her friend turn into a mindless monster baying for her blood, Anna had scarcely gotten more than a couple of hours per night. 

_He won’t come near me if he knows what’s good for him. He wants that double shipment; he isn’t stupid enough to risk that. Reckon I’m safe to catch a couple of z’s whilst he’s here. With any luck, I’ll stay asleep knowing there’s someone else in the room with me._

Shifting her body into a fetal position, curling her arms around her knees, and nestling into the cushion of the chair, Anna slowly drifts off into a light sleep.

_“Yellow car.”_

_“Ow you fucking bastard, that hurt!” she exclaims, stroking her arm where he’d punched her._

_“Name of the game Kels. Not my fault you suck at it.”_

_She had no idea how he came up with these ridiculous past-times, just that she always seemed to bear the brunt of them. This was the first time they’d snuck out of the QZ, and much as she felt uneasy with being out in broad daylight, she felt safe with him. He’d been doing this for a long time now, observing and skirting the soldiers, avoiding detection like the small time hoodlum that he was. Like mother, like son she guessed._

_“Way in’s over there. Just passed that fire truck.”_

_“You’re such a tourist. Did we really need to leave the QZ just to break back into it?”_

_“FEDRA closed up the other entrance years ago. Somethin’ about not wanting to waste resources maintainin’ it, even though it’s technically part of the zone. Gave up on patchin’ up that wall on the other side, so that’s our way in. It’s overgrown to shit but it’s ours for the taking Princess!”_

_Passing the now extinct UPS store and the small Mercantile Mall, crossing the street passed the many defunct traffic lights and abandoned cars shoved up onto the sidewalks; Ryan leads them to a hole just large enough for them to crawl through, hidden by the excessive bushes at the base of the towering concrete walls surrounding the Christopher Columbus Park._

_Wiping herself down on the other side, Anna looks up, taking a deep inhale of clean air in this forest of Eden, a stark contrast to the perpetual choking on the foul, polluted stench inside the walls of the QZ. This place, free of the unrelenting roar of Military trucks and the unbearable cries of neglected children, brought an immeasurable respite to the girl’s humdrum life. She’d felt sick and bitter for the longest time, but a walk through nature could be just the thing to alleviate her suffering. She ponders the cruel irony of her predicament, how she could feel safer out here, without the protection of the soldiers, than she does within.  
The path had long since been claimed by the prospering vegetation, so the pair began to wade through the sea of overgrown grass towards the prominent archways standing tall and proud at the center of this paradise. Passing an out-of-use fountain, Anna set her course to the weaving blend of Reds, Pinks, Oranges, Yellows, and Whites, an indulgence of sight and scent bursting through its original confinement of ornamental railing. Such beauty was never meant to be fenced in, was always meant to cultivate its bountiful offerings to the world. _

_“Let’s head over to those archways, should be a couple of benches over there.”_

_Once they’d sat down, Anna takes a moment to listen to the sounds of the park, the wind rustling the leaves of the trees, the buzzing of the local bee population, collecting their nectar and going on about their business, whatever business bees may have. The last of the summer sunshine bearing down on them, she basked in its warmth, she’d miss it when it was gone, and some of the leaves had already begun to take a shade of orange._

_Ryan carefully reaches into his bag to retrieve something, a glass bottle by the looks of it._

_“Quieres un Caballito?” he exclaims comically._

_“Um, what is that?!”_

_“Tequila baby! Stole it from the back of one of those trucks that came through last week.”_

_“Oh for God’s sake Ryan.”_

_“What?”_

_“Just give it here.”_

_Grabbing for the bottle, she unscrews the cap and takes a sip, sloshing it around her mouth a little before swallowing._

_“Not bad,” she comments before taking another sip._

_“Don’t drink it all Anna, don’t wanna have to drag your ass back into the QZ.”_

_“One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, floor,” she sings out to him._

_“Exactly.”_

_She huffs out a small laugh as she hands the bottle back to him, leaning back against the bench and watching him bring the bottle to his lips. He takes a sip, then leans forward, holding the bottle in both hands, and stares down, digging the toe of his boot into the ground below._

_“So...how have you been?”_

_“Just dandy.”_

_“Anna.”_

_She flicks her eyes to him briefly then returns her gaze to the fields of shrubbery and roses just ahead of her, watches one of the bees settle on the bloom of a particularly bright cluster of lilac flowers, notes the small berries gathered on the stem, being eagerly plucked by a curious hummingbird. She idly wonders if the berries are poisonous._

_She doesn’t want to share her troubles with him, the constant shadow of her father following her wherever she went. A light had gone out in her life, no matter the strength of the sun that had filled their days, so constant and persistent in the last few months, the world always seemed a little less bright without him in it. What was the point in expressing her grief? It wasn’t going to go away; she would only be burdening him with her misery._

_“I’m alright. I’ll be alright. Just miss him is all.”_

_“If you need to talk about it, you know I’m here right? I know we like to have a laugh and we don’t really talk about how shit life can be but...”_

_“It’s ok Ryan, honestly.”_

_Neither of them says anything for a while, not knowing how to recover the ease of their earlier conversations. Up until now, they had lived a life relatively free of true sadness within the QZ, both had entered with the one parent they had left, and they had bonded over their shared experience of being raised by them. Now hers was gone, stolen from her whilst trying to help his. He’d always been too eager to help, always ready to stick his neck out for people who were suffering, knowing he had the skills to relieve them of their pain. They didn’t fucking deserve him._

_“You know they want me to pick up the mantle from him? FEDRA I mean. Want me to step up and fulfill his duties, since they can’t afford to lose another medic. Can you believe that?”_

_“They’re selfish bastards Kels, but we knew that already. They gonna train you up?”_

_“Yeah. They wanna ‘fill the gaps' in my knowledge, but it was all informal anyway with Dad. I can’t save someone’s life; I could keep them alive for five minutes at best.”_

_“I don’t believe that. Your Dad was always biggin’ you up.”_

_“Different when you’re faced with a dying person though, screaming in pain and begging to be saved.”_

_“Yeah, I guess so.”_

_Another awkward pause, Anna pulls the bottle of tequila from his grasp and takes another swig, contemplating whether or not she should push him on her next query. Stealing bottles of tequila and running errands for his mom was no way to live. He needed a plan. Go straight since he clearly had no desire to actually become a Firefly. Sooner or later he would get caught and executed for aiding wanted criminals. She couldn’t bear the thought of that happening._

_“Anyway enough about me. What’s going on with you? Haven’t seen you for a few days.”_

_“Took a job over in 5. Been running security jobs down there for a while now. Poker games, Pit fights, the usual.”_

_“I hate that you spend so much time in that shithole. You don’t wanna run with those guys Ryan.”_

_“Not like I have much choice, Princess. It’s that or blow up some Civs with mom, which would you rather?” he snaps at her, regretting it immediately when he sees the hurt in her eyes, “Sorry.”_

_“It’s fine.”_

_“I just...I’m sick of the cards I’ve been dealt ya know? Sometimes I think I’d be better off staying out here. Just going it alone, find somewhere new to make a fresh start. Away from mom and all her bullshit ideas. Away from the military. Away from Boston.”_

_He takes another mouthful of tequila, grits his teeth, and swallows._

_“Would you come with me? If I left?”_

_He won’t look at her, won’t let her see his eyes, his pain. He’s her closest friend in the world, and she his. And yet they’ve never been able to open up to each other fully, something always held them back, fear of the unknown perhaps? What it would mean if they truly connected on that level. She’d hoped the day would come where he could look her in the eye and tell her what he felt, but today wasn’t going to be that day._

_“I’d love to Ry. If you’ll have me.”_

_He smiles at that, and now it’s her turn to avoid his gaze. She was getting far too close to a full-on confession, the alcohol making her brave, loosening her tongue, and all the strings tying her heart to her doubts. When she looked back at him though, the boy she knew so well had changed._

_His dark brown eyes were glistening, tears welling in their sockets, threatening to burst at the banks. He wore the tell-tale black armband, the symbol of the firefly embroidered into the fabric. He was dressed in the olive green t-shirt and the tawny tactical vest. The boy had become a man, a man who knew he was going to die for someone else’s cause. He was afraid. He wanted to run. He asked her to go with him. Only she hadn’t heard it, hadn’t dared to believe him. And now he was lost._

_Blood begins to drip from an unseen wound on his hand; he begins to convulse, spittle flying this way and that, eyes crossing outwards like a lizard, the gap between his teeth growing larger by the second, his lips pulled back and under, giving him a permanent snarl. Snot pours from his nose, tears of blood streak his cheeks. He’s in pain. She can’t help him. She can’t save him. She should have gone with him that day, should never have returned to the QZ. Then they would be how they were; only they’d be free. She didn’t want any part of this world if he wasn’t in it. So she would wait, she would let him have her, let him have his fill, for it was all she could do for him now._

Anna startles awake at the sudden loud murmurs of the other momentarily forgotten presence in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Anna. Her guilt over the loss of Ryan and her inability to help him has taken a hold of her dreams. She needs a new perspective on things, but at this point who does she have to help find it?
> 
> The next chapter will see the reappearance of Tess, introducing a new dynamic to Anna and Joels already tense affiliation.


End file.
